Five Floors up could have been high enough to see the Sunset

A few things have happened in my life recently that I feel coincide with each other although I’m not quite sure how to articulate it or bring it full circle in to an understandable post.

1. A man from my building committed suicide on Friday. I heard him land. After hearing an incredibly loud bang sound outside my window, I thought that someone had been shot. I ran to look outside and it was like a scene from a movie. People were all out of their cars, still with open doors, and on their cell phones. I could see the man directly across the way from me on his phone staring down outside of his window as well. I had to open my window to look down and see what happened – a car below had the largest indent in the top I had ever seen. Glass shattered all around, and a man that was in a position that could only be described as very unnatural was on the street below my window. I saw him. Lying there. I couldn’t breath and all I could do was run into the living room and cry. I had never seen anything like that and pray never to again. And I hope that none of you ever have or will either. I was overwhelmed with an incredible respect for life and deep sadness at the enigma that is human emotion.

2. My sister came to visit. We haven’t always gotten along, but bonded two summers ago over a a series of Hannah Montana marathons on the Disney channel. Don’t ask But, it became sort of “our thing” and we started getting along. When my grandmother passed away the next year, we went to see the 3D movie together and danced around the movie theater singing all of the songs. Now, she is one of the most important people in my life and I only hope that we can continue to grow and foster our relationship as sisters and friends. The weekend was full of laughter, tears, funny pictures, animal costumes at Bay to Breakers, memories of our hilarious, loud, Italian family, and endless catching up and story sharing. She left this afternoon and I already miss her dearly.

3. I watched Last Chance Harvey. Yes, a little less important on the grand scheme of things – but a movie that dives into a lost man and his quest for a more fulfilling life seems to fit into the scheme of things in my life. Smiling and taking what you want out of life. Even if you think that someone doesn’t love you or doesn’t want you there – you at least have to try and give it your all. Yes, obviously, if it is an unhealthy situation or relationship by all means leave and never come back. But, even if, there are people in your life that love you more than you will ever know and you should always tell them such. Like Harvey did

I do not understand and can not fathom what could be so terrible as to make someone feel that they can not live it anymore. And the recent economy has seen a sharp increase in the number of suicides and the calls to suicide hotlines. Regardless of money, jobs, food, houses, friends, family – I dunno – there is always something. To me, there is absolutely nothing like an Arizona sunset. No, its not over the ocean like it is here in SF… but I challenge you to find a prettier sight than the vibrant ruby sky and purple clouds that illuminate the heavens on a warm June evening. Add the Catalina Foothills or Camelback Mountain and it’s not contest. My point is that if a person looks around, solace can be found in anything. Joy and beauty are all around. Spend every breath of life with the people that make you feel good and whom you love – that is what life is about. Not money or work – but people and relationships. Just ask Harvard. I’ve been trying to practice zen meditation and mindfulness in order to get better at remember this more frequently.

That’s all I suppose. Everyone is just trying to do the best they can with the cards they are dealt. But, the people that are affected and devastated when life is lost just prove how much it is worth living. It is all we have. My dad once told me that I say “I love you” too easily (he probably doesn’t even remember, it was just a comment in passing that he meant nothing by) but I decided after much consideration that I do not think that is possible. I love easily, and frequently, and deeply, and I try to see the good in people because I think that people are inherently good. I truly believe that. Maybe I am wrong and setting myself up for failure, disappointment, and heartache… but even if so, I’ll always have Arizona sunsets.

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